sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You ruined the universe
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
