I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
