don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize