Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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