It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
