its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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