If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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