What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
