dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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