Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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