Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like a drive thru vagina
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
