How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
