I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize