1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
