At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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