Sorry, I don't speak sober.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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