He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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