I wish I could punch you in the face.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
