I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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