Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
