i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize