I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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