I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize