Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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