I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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