i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
