Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize