If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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