I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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