I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
