cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
