I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
