i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
