i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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