saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
