I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
