drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He shit in the fireplace
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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