dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
