you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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