my vag is so smooth its legendary
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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