I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if i can run in heels then i can drive
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize