There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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