I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
