She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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