Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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