i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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