I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize