i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
