Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
