Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
