GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
