I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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