shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
