I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
