Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
