If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
