I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
