There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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