I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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