I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
