I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
