You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
