Cold hands, warm shart.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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