Got a toothbrush?
how can u be prego again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
