He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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