Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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