Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
