great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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