youre lurking in front of me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
