How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
