how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize