I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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