She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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