i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
