Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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