i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
