I'm gonna have a badass scar
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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