I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
