We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
