Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
