i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
