I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
