Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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