It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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