i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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