walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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