Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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