I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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