I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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