You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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