I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
